This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
22 August 2007
This is going up, guys. Buy buy buy!
Washington, USA -- new growth opportunities for investors arise as the financial crisis over housing grows. Over 1.5 million Americans are likely to lose their houses due to rising rates of mortgage repayments. Those people, however, will not die when the good they made so many sacrifices for is going to go back to the bank, although some may suicide. Investors hope that the suicide rate will not be too high, however, not much more than a third of the people expropriated.
New housing opportunity! (cat not included)
The rest of those people will need new housing and that's the point where new cardboard opportunities show up. We are talking about at least 1 million cardboard boxes! Cardboard boxes are already going up in price, expecting the first people being kicked out of their (non-cardboard) homes in a couple of weeks. Cardboard factories are underrated and their stock price is on the rise. It is expected that the cardboard production will be multiplied by a factor of 10 until the end of the year.
As those new people on the roads will still have enough money to buy a cardboard box as a home (some opportunities for cardboard mortgages are discussed by the banks at the moment), this will drive the current homeless population out of their cardboard boxes, that they won't be able to afford anymore, and will end up in paper boxes, also known as "envelopes." Although a great way to travel, envelopes aren't as comfortables as cattle wagons for the average tramp, and this may create some social trouble.