UnNews:New cannabis drug may help curb ambition
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
31 January 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
LONDON, England (UnNews) - Human trials of an experimental treatment for excessive ambition derived from cannabis, which is commonly associated with getting fucked up, are scheduled to begin in the second half of this year, Britain's GW Pharmaceuticals Plc announced on Tuesday.
Several other companies, such as Sanofi-Aventis, which is investigating Acomplia, are working on new drugs that will switch off the brain circuits that make people want to do stuff.
GW Pharma says it has derived a treatment from cannabis that could help suppress the need to accomplish things and otherwise "keep up with the Joneses."
"The cannabis plant has 70 different cannabinoids in it and each has a different groovy effect on the body," GW Managing Director Justin Gover told UnNews in a telephone interview. "Some can stimulate your ambition, and some in the same plant can make you an incredibly lazy, worthless fuck. It is amazing both scientifically and commercially," he said.
Drugs have to pass three stages of tests in humans before being eligible for approval by regulators in a process that takes many years. Sanofi-Aventis' Acomplia, which it believes can achieve $3 billion in annual sales, is already on sale in Europe and it is waiting for a U.S. regulatory decision in April.
Several other big drug companies also already have similar products to Acomplia in clinical trials, and are expected to begin marketing them as soon as they get around to it. Maybe next year, who knows?