UnNews:New apps support terrorist attacks
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
|This article is part of UnNews||Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!|
12 August 2010
Apps already on the market help determine when an imam would have seen the crescent moon, starting the holy month of Ramadan this week. Others tell the user which way to turn to face Mecca, and when it is time to pray.
With 3 million iPhones already sold, organized Islam stands to make big money on this new way to reach out and touch one's self--even if it puts Apple in an awkward spot.
Islam never has been at odds with innovation, said Zinnur Tabakci, who runs a religious book and gift shop here. "Islam is not against technology. We were the first to adopt passenger aircraft to further the goals of our faith. Our use of improvised explosive devices (IEDs) further proves our eagerness to 'adopt and adapt.'"
The 9-11 terrorists famously spent their last night on Earth in Portland, Maine before proceeding to Boston and destiny; and their activities that evening were not exactly devout. Islamic scholars say the new iApp could have helped them privately focus on their goal while maintaining a more appropriate outward appearance.
Various Islamic scholars differ on the number of virgins promised to successful Jihadists, and some believe that a faithful translation is not "virgins" at all but "raisins." To date, there is no iApp that lets the prospective terrorist view raisins on his grape-sized screen.