UnNews:New York scraps ground zero plan, opts to rebuild Radio Row
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New York scraps ground zero plan, opts to rebuild Radio Row
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, March 20, 2018, 23:38:UTC)(
5 June 2007
New York City, California Mayor Bloomberg announced today a revised rebuilding plan for ground zero: instead of ultramodern skyscrapers, Radio Row, the neighborhood that stood before the World Trade Center was built, would be reconstructed.
"While I'm still not sure what happened to the World Trade Center, my aides have told me that we need to build a new one." said Bloomberg. "None of the plans to rebuild the area really seemed too popular, so I thought, why not just go back to the beginning? Restoring a neighborhood from 1962 devoted to the sale and repair of radios that has no place in 2007 will continue the time-honored tradition of messing up this neighborhood. This is totally win."
Jose Adames, who is pretending to be mayor, agreed with the plan also, saying "Ok, Radios are a good idea. Bloomberg, obey the law! Adames is mayor! Read my flyers, n00b."
Needless to say, protests emerged over the new plan.
"Radios? What the?" scowled Sheldon Silver upon hearing of the plan. "My constituency needs office space and the jobs that come attendant thereto, not radios! This is the worst plan since Heaven's Gate got greenlighted. Pwn."
The plan is part of the Mayor's bold new "let's go back" plan, which includes rebuilding Ebbet's Field and somehow getting the Dodgers to return, bringing back the Automat, and still hating New Jersey.