UnNews:New Year in Colon Cleansing Technology
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New Year in Colon Cleansing Technology
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, June 29, 2017, 12:34:UTC)(
31 December 2009
Los Angeles, California -- Because of surging economies in the developing world and continued growth among the industrialized nations, global colon cleansing use is climbing. As a result, supplies are tight, prices are rising, and enema users are calling for viable alternatives.
"The good news is we've got a huge source of alternative cleansing agents all around us." said Teresa Strasser, author of 'Exploiting my Baby' & extremely talented person all around. "They're called 'poopsalots', they are the lowest cost new source of rectal-rejuvenation we have at hand, and they could be right under your nose." added equally talented & very handsome Marc Germain. "A reduction of just 5% of of global colon cleansers would save us the equivalent of over 10 million barrels of oil a day." Clearly, saving colon cleansers is like finding them. So, how do we do it?
Incorporating what we call 'Recto Regurgitation Technology', we've designed & implemented new construction methods which could reduce consumption by 40%. Governments and businesses must reduce their own poop production and promote conservation to their citizens and employees. Further improvements by Poopologists working in conjuction with governmental Poopsicrats will play a crucial role, too. And the average person wields incredible power in their bowels when it comes to conserving their crap, from driving slower to switching to energy efficient home appliances to shutting the hell up about the global warming issue. Even simple steps like these are effective!
|“||And who DOESN'T want more rectal tubes to go around?!||”|
Of course, not only does using less bowel management chemicals mean there's more rectal probes to go around, but it also means fewer greenhouse gas emissions. The fact is, if everyone began conserving today, we'd see results in your ass immediately. We've taken some of the steps needed to get started but we need your help to get the rest of the way. Let's make 2010 the year we breathe a fresh breath of air into Colon Cleansing Technology.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|