UnNews:New Winter Olympic sports to freshen up the next games
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New Winter Olympic sports to freshen up the next games
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, August 29, 2016, 03:54:UTC)(
20 February 2014
SOCHI, Russia -- Concerned officials at this year's Winter Olympic games at Sochi have confirmed they need to 'reconnect' with the public and introduce some new disciplines to
wake up enthuse audiences world wide in 2018.
"The IOC has said before that no sport shown at the games is set in stone - or indeed ice (chuckles). Who would have thought that we let a bunch of grungy snow boarders in or let women play Ice Hockey. Well we did both but there is no getting away from it, the Winter Olympics are very much a 'white out' - unless you support the Jamaican bobsleigh team - and they aren't going to win anything soon."
- Sliding down a hill on a dustbin lid
- Snow ball fights
- Sticking the suggestive carrot on the snowman whilst shooting at random targets
- Bashing skaters on the knees with ice picks
- Rolling giant granite balls with handles down an ice rink (called Perma-Wave Curling in Scotland)
- Cossacks whipping Pussy Riot (Good for TV news pictures)
Piste said that so far no decisions have been made but he admitted that watching people going down hill in multi-coloured gimp suits isn't entertainment and sponsors will be happy to associate with something more exciting.
- ↑ Officially it is going to be held at Pyeongchang, South Korea but with Kim Jong-Un around the I.O.C will need a back-up venue in case of nuclear war.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|