UnNews:New UnNews OpEd ATBF section

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This column is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-eyeblink misinformation. And by "misinformation", we mean "the truth."


22 May 2010


The laziest wizard ever.

Art? Science? Techno-prowess? What is this new form that beckons us to say, "Cool!"? Language gets folded into the stripgenerator.com batter and all hell breaks loose. Now a mind can get it's hands dirty, and still, none of us are probably the wiser.

The Janitorial Editor owes you an explanation. ATBF stands for "All Things Bat Fuck". Not sure what that means? I'll tell you what it doesn't mean:

Crazy penguins

Wizard turned me into a miserable polar bear!

“OpEd - An 'editorial' is an opinion piece written by the senior editorial staff or publisher of a newspaper or magazine. Editorials are usually unsigned and may be supposed to reflect the opinion of the periodical. Additionally, most print publications feature an editorial, or letter followed by a Letters to the Editor section. In major newpapers, such as the New York Times and the Boston Globe, editorials are classified under the heading "opinion".”
~ Wikipedia on OpEd section

This column also performs a function dear to my heart; it is a place to put pictures I like with a caption which is generally unrelated to the picture and the article itself.

“I know what it is, and if it isn't, it might as well be.”
~ Bubba Ho-Tep on the Cabal
Embrace the revolution

By revolution I'm not talking about some Che Guevara state of affairs, with rifle fire and and ideology. This more of a thing like that other thing we were going to have before we started. The programming language Brainfuck comes to mind.


Hyenas are crucial to this operation.

ATBF is a mayonnaise-related peek into the scene behind the scenes, the mind behind the mind, of what's happening now. Do not confuse this new special section of UnNews with ATBF Cartoons; those are just stupid.

In my column, I challenge the reader to finish reading this crap, only to be let down at the end, only to discover that they've wasted time. In fact, rather than reading this, you should probably do just about anything else; crocheting, pissing on an electric fence, anything.

If you're still here, congratulations. You are ready to evolve your thinking, better even than Scientology. Grammar will be less important in heaven, and who am I to contradict Jesus? Nobody, that's who.

Welcome to ATBF

Welcome to this, the second article in the All Things Bat Fuck series of OpEd pieces. The first one was a rancid failure, tossed onto the wayside of UnNews under the category of Oblivion. I admit, it was stupid. Just because I smoke pot, doesn't mean that I should subject our readers to the inside of my brain pan. You, dear sweet readers, deserve more.

You deserve to be interviewed by our staff editorial input collector here at UnNews, "Thomas BiValve". We love you, and we want to know why you love us. So take a moment, [[click here to tell us why you love UnNews]], and perhaps you will be featured.

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