UnNews:New Smart Car Smaller
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New Smart Car Smaller
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 31, 2016, 08:08:UTC)(
1 March 2012
Böblingen, Germany -- The Smart Car. A very small car meant to insult the obese American population and annoy Europeans with Ferraris. The Smart Car. Excellent mileage but it makes you look gay. The Smart Car. The car that make's you look poorer than you actually are. The Smart Company has carefully considered these problems and has decided to act upon them. They tired, and made it worse.
The new Smart Car is called the Smart CarT. This is because it is much smaller than its predecessor. All you can fit is your body and a steering wheel. Whatever luggage you have must be sat on or duct taped to the top of the car. "The Smart CarT", Smart said, "is perfect for city travel because it is small and has very good mileage." What they fail to notice is that you look like you are driving what looks like a pimped out old person scooter.
Turns out I was wrong. They did think about its look. Its inspiration came from old people scooters. The German designers thought that it was the height of coolness. You and me aren't experts, but I think, and you would probably agree, that it looks retarded rather than cool.
Car Stats: The CarT features no trunk, only 1 seat, 1 steering wheel, 1 peddle (press for gas, open door and put foot on road for brake), and 4 wheels that seem like they are from old people scooters. Its 5 (1.5 m) feet wide, 4 feet (1.2 m) tall. It has 10 horsepower (about the same as a lawn mower) and a top speed of how fast you can push it. There is no fuel gauge or speed-o-meter so you have to guess. However, the Smart CarT can reach speeds nowhere near any international limits, so speeding tickets are taken care of.
Playboy has rated the Smart CarT the #1 Car for Sex of the Year. They say that its compact space is perfect for a sexual environment as long as you aren't seen driving it in public.
Virginity Weekly says that this car is perfect for those who want to protect their virginity if they drive it around in public.
The best use for the car so far is to be filled with explosives and detonated.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|