UnNews:New NFL trend 'Vicking' draws criticism from PETA
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
New NFL trend 'Vicking' draws criticism from PETA
We distort, you deride
Sunday, May 29, 2016, 06:00:UTC)(
14 November 2011
A new trend is taking the NFL by storm... and it has animal rights activists in an outrage. Coming three weeks after the 'Tebowing' craze that quickly became an internet meme, the new 'Vicking' craze has drawn intense criticism from PETA, an organization known for intensely criticizing things. But what does 'Vicking' mean? To Vick is to release fighting dogs on the football field after sacking a quarterback.
Heading into week 10 of the NFL season, 'Tebowing' had long since become old news and the NFL world was itching for a new fad. Fortunately Arizona Cardinals linebacker, Daryl Washington delivered one yesterday after sacking Philadelphia Eagles quarterback, Michael Vick. The linebacker celebrated his sack of Vick (a QB notorious for running a dogfighting ring) in an elaborate display mocking Vick's dogfighting past. He disappeared into the locker room and returned with two cockerspaniels. The dogs then proceeded to fight each other to the death over Vick's prone body while Cardinals fans (and animal abuse fans) rejoiced nationwide.
Washington's celebration, dubbed 'Vicking' by NFL pundits, has proved immensely popular among football fans. The struggling 0-10 Indianapolis Colts have already planned on eliminating their football team altogether and simply releasing dogs on the field in their upcoming matchup against the Carolina Panthers. In anticipation, Colts fans (the few that still exist) are buying tickets to the game at an alarming rate, leading to the first sellout match at Lucas Oil Stadium this season (prior to this week, the Colts had managed to sell an average of 7 tickets per home game). When interviewed about his decision, Colts' head coach Jim Caldwell said, "Yeah, we gave this whole football thing a try and it hasn't really worked out this year. 'Vicking' is in and 'football' is out here in Indiananapolis." The Colts ownership has already changed the team's name to 'The Hellhounds' to accompany the new change of image. Additionally, as a PR stunt, injured quarterback Peyton Manning will attempt to fight the dogs himself during halftime.
Even Michael Vick himself has capitalized on the new Vicking craze. He recently partnered with Nike to release a new chain of 'Vicking'-themed merchandise, featuring images of Vick with a canine head beating the shit out of another dog with a football. Vicking has proved so popular that the Eagles QB has even received a presidential pardon for his past misdeeds.
Despite the widespread popularity of Vicking, it has animal rights activists up in arms. PETA members have boycotted the NFL, especially the Philadelphia Eagles franchise. Members of PETA are protesting and sitting in at the Eagles' stadium until the NFL publicly denounces the practice. Despite the protests, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has announced that the next Philadelphia home game will carry on indefinitely, regardless of whether the protestors clear the premises. Truly, the prospect of a football game involving hundreds of PETA members and a kennel of vicious fighting dogs is an exciting one.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|