UnNews:New Mexico talking urinal cakes laugh at your small wiener
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
15 February 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
RIO RANCHO, N.M. - New Mexico is hoping to lower the self-esteem of drunks by lecturing them and making fun of the size of their penises at the place they usually stop before heading home: the urinal.
The state recently paid $21 each for about 500 talking urinal-deodorizer cakes and has put them in men's rooms in bars and restaurants across the state.
When a man steps up, the motion-sensitive plastic device says, in a woman's voice that is flirty, then stern: "Hey, bug fucker. What happened to you? Some kind of horrible circumcision accident? Last time I saw a weenie that small it had a toothpick in it."
The recorded message ends: "Remember, your future is in your hand."
The talking urinal represents just the latest effort to fight the notion held by many men in New Mexico that they have big dicks. New Mexico has long had one of the highest rates of alcohol-related sex activity in the nation. (The new tactic is aimed only at men, since they account for 78 percent of all sex convictions in New Mexico.)
"It startled me the first time I heard it, but it sure got my attention," said Ben Miller, a patron at the Turtle Mountain Brewing Co. bar and restaurant. "Fortunately, it doesn't apply to me, because I'm packing one big burrito."
Jim Swatek, who was drinking a beer nearby, said: "You think, `Fuck you, urinal cake. I'm pissing on you. How's that?'"
Turtle Mountain Brewing owner Niko Ortiz commended the New Mexico Transportation Department for "thinking way outside the box."
Similar urinal cakes have been used for anti-self-esteem campaigns in Colorado, Pennsylvania and Australia, and for anti-sex abuse efforts on New York's Long Island, said Richard Deutsch of New York-based Healthquest Technologies Inc., which manufactures the devices.
But Deutsch said he believes New Mexico is the only state to buy the devices.