UnNews:New Bush Lie Machine Revs Up

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 A newsstand that's brimming with issues

12 February 2007
(Uncyc Press)    On February 10th Pentagon officials "who insisted on anonymity as a condition of the briefing" revealed that underwear labeled in the Iranian language Farsi had been found on some Iraqi insurgents. The undergarments included boxer shorts, jockey straps, and Golden Goddess high-lift brassieres.

Edelman

Eric Edelman, Bush's official Liar-Designate for Iran. Would you buy another war from this man?

This information came straight from the new Bush office of propaganda, the so-called Iranian Directorate. Created in March of 2006 to spread bogus intelligence similar to that which sparked Bush's Iraq Attack, the Iranian Directorate is strikingly similar to Douglas Feith's disgraced Office of Special Plans. It's run by Eric Edelman, who currently holds Feith's old job as the Department of Defense's Undersecretary for Fucking America, and some of its staff even come right out of Feith's lie machine: Abram N. Shulsky, John Trigilio, and Ladan Archin.

These are the same guys that claimed Saddam slept together with Osama bin Laden in a big brass bed, that Saddam had personally brought down the World Trade Center towers, that he had tried to buy loaves of Nigerian "lemon cake" with uranium icing, and that aluminum lawn-chair tubing found in Saddam's garden shed was meant for enriching Brie in order to make a brie bomb.

It's exactly the same pack of liars that brought us the Iraq intelligence failure.

Of course, Iran actually has good reason to worry about the threat of an aggressive and out-of-control superpower occupying the country right next door. By way of contrast, consider that said superpower went halfway around the world to find a "threat" to attack. It's not like Saddam Hussein was America's next-door neighbor.

BushIran

George Bush is determined to kill him some goldarned Iranians. It's important to his manhood.

The US Congress, meanwhile, was still preparing to talk about whether they should allow themselves to talk about the Iraq war. Senator Mitch McConnell (R-Kentuckistan) said, "We don't want to say anything that might lead the Iraqi insurgents to think they are winning. They listen to every word we say, you know. I don't even fart when I'm in the Senate toilet because it might encourage the insurgents."

Independent observers, however, noted that the US congress is already just about as effective as a damp fart: they may stink a little, but they accomplish nothing.

With regard to the Iranian Directorate and its disinformation, it is expected that several years from now the Congress will hold solemn hearings on the 2007 intelligence failure on Iran. By then the lame-duck Bush administration will have bombed the hell out of the ancient Iranian city of Isfahan and ignited a region-wide anti-American war. A frowning Congress will sternly reprimand Eric Edelman and his crew for spreading lies; Edelman will by then have a high-dollar job at a neoconservative think-tank. He won't even notice Congress.

No one else will either.

edit Sources

On the Iranian Directorate:

On the Iran-insurgency link:

  • ABC News story (note the "senior officials" are not named)
  • Earthtimes article (note again that "the officials...spoke off camera and on condition of anonymity" -- the big pussies.)
Personal tools
projects