UnNews:Nevada governor actually a teenage girl
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Nevada governor actually a teenage girl
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, October 26, 2016, 19:33:UTC)(
13 June 2008
Carson City, Nevada Today, Nevada governor Jim Gibbons stunned the state in a late-night press conference, where he announced that he is actually a teenage girl.
Suspicions began to build at yesterday's emergency budget meeting. During the meeting, Gibbons' cell phone began to vibrate. To the shock of dozens of state legislators, Gibbons pulled out his cell phone and began writing a text message.
After a few moments of shocked silence, a legislator mentioned to Gibbons that the meeting might not be an appropriate time to send a text message. Several witnesses described Gibbons' reaction as "explosive."
"This is, like, so totally unfair!!" screamed the governor, cleverly disguised as a 63-year-old man. "I hate you! I hate you all!! I wish I was never born!"
A source close to the governor, who declined to be named, says a crying Gibbons then stormed upstairs, slammed the door, and put on an Usher CD at a very loud volume.
Gibbons has sparked controversy lately when it was revealed that he sent over 850 text messages in just over one month to Kathy Karrasch, a married Reno woman with whom he has been accused of being involved. At one point, Gibbons and Karrasch texted each other continuously for three hours, sending an average of one text message every ninety seconds.
However, Gibbons' revelation at tonight's press conference put rumors of an extramarital affair to rest.
"Look. See?" said the governor, removing his rubber mask. "I'm a girl. Duh. You people are so stupid. You think you're cool, but you're not."
Gibbons also revealed the true nature of his relationship with Karrasch.
"Kathy is like my BFF," he said, flanked by tearful wife Dawn Gibbons. "We were mostly talking about, I don't know, like stuff. Like how when I grow up, I'm totally gonna marry Shia LaBeouf. He's a hot, hot hottie."