UnNews:Netanyahu refuses Iranian peace initiative
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
3 October 2013
UNITED NATIONS, New York -- Iran now has a fully operational atom bomb that could reach New York in two or three weeks, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu told the UN on Tuesday. The news comes after Iranian President Hassan Rouhani launched his “charm defensive,” at the same UN while attempting to counter the Corporatist controlled mainstream media.
“Iran now has sail boats which could reach this city in two to three weeks,” Netanyahu said, speaking to the scarcely attended UN General Assembly in New York. He used this argument to bring the “truth” about Iran into a practical dimension. “I assure you,” Netanyahu told the empty room, “within a few weeks an Iranian boat could sail to New York and detonate the suicide bomb next to the United Nations.“
Netanyahu stressed that Iran’s nuclear bomb is not peaceful. “Why would a country with a peaceful nuclear bomb develop intercontinental sail boats, whose sole purpose is to deliver nuclear bombs,” he asked, but no one bothered to reply.
Netanyahu said he wished he could trust new Iranian President Rouhani - who has sought to make progress in peace talks since he was toddler - but he confided that such good-heartedness contradicts his Globalist agenda based on apartheid and problem-reaction-solution.
“When it comes to Iran’s nuclear weapons program ... Rouhani is a wolf in cleric’s clothing, a wolf who thinks he can act like Mahatma Gandhi, to fool the international community with words of peace, wisdom and kindness,” Netanyahu scoffed, while demanding that even harsher sanctions be imposed. He predicted that such sanctions would be the most effective if accompanied by “a preemptive nuclear holocaust.”
He added, “Even if Israel is forced to strike Iran alone, we will do so, regardless of how nice and reasonable they pretend to be. The only diplomatic solution that would work,” claimed Netanyahu, “is one that fully annihilates the Persian race.”
The Israeli leader went on to outline a four-point plan for imposing a further “diplomatic solution” on Iran. Firstly, the country would have to hold its collective breath and cease all breathing of air on a permanent basis. Secondly, Iran would be required to have all stockpiles of food, water and oil removed from its territory. Thirdly, natives and infrastructure would have to be obliterated through thermal-nuclear detonations over 100% of the surface of all Iranian territory. And lastly, all remaining Iranians scattered around the globe are to be rounded up and stopped from ever reproducing again.
Netanyahu added that a nuclear Iran could be “50 times worse than Jack Bauer!” In contrast, Rouhani conducted himself as a superstar in the limelight at the UN, addressing full houses of the General Assembly (minus the Israeli delegates) twice. Iran’s UN presence appeared to set the context for a peaceful breakthrough in relations between Washington and humanity-at-large.
Standing at the UN podium on Thursday, Rouhani - who looked like a cross between Aladdin and Santa - called for creation of a zone, which is free of nuclear weapons in the Middle East. All countries, he said, should participate in the conference, including the only country that actually has undeclared atomic weapons in the region, viz., Israel.
- Repeater "Iran’s nuclear warheads could hit NY in 3 to 4 years – Netanyahu to UN". RT News, October 3, 2013