UnNews:Nerd Army Invades San Diego... AGAIN!
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Nerd Army Invades San Diego... AGAIN!
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, July 23, 2017, 19:01:UTC)(
23 July 2010
San Diego, The New Nerd Republic; Formally Known as San Diego -- Early on the Morning of July 23, 2010 the people of San Diego, California were expecting to wake up to a good cup of coffee and the local news. What they got instead was an early wake up call, fat sweaty virgins yelling and shooting at them, and finally being forced into a reeducation center to teach them about Marvel, DC Comics and the differences between Star Wars Hyperdrive and Star Trek Warp 1. What the citizens soon realized was that their beloved city had become a beach head for one of the most dangerous invasion of the United States in history, the enemy... NERDS!
Beginning at around 5 A.M. massive Star Destroyers and TARDIS's began unloading wave after wave of nerds who began flocking the streets, taking over city blocks, capturing and killing police and burning gyms. The Army of over Nine Hundred Thousand were able to over throw the city government quickly, thanks to a handful of Computer tech nerds that were already inside the mayor's office before the Invasion began. With city officials and law enforcement out of the picture, the Nerd army officially declared victory over their new Territory. This sudden victory was followed by immediate arrest and freezing of several very important Comic, Movie, Animated, and Video Game Icons who were found in the city. Among some of the missing are Optimus Prime, Captain America, Kick Ass, and surprisingly Boba Fett, a criminal who a year earlier was blamed for the slayings of several Marvel Characters and apparently Michael Jackson.
Since their victory over the city the nerds have begun recreating it in their own image, these changes included the complete destruction of Disney World in retaliation of them buying Marvel, an erection of a giant statues of Lara Croft, Wonder Woman, and Captain Jean-Luc Picard, along with the establishment of the Church of The Robinson Family. Since taking over the city the nerds have also succeeded in converting half the City's population into their fellow nerdy Solders. According to some sketchy reports, a small rebel group is attempting to slow down the new regime efforts to expand, all that's known about the small group is that it is mostly made of of Goth Kids and Emos.
The United States has called upon all allies to help them combat their massive threat, but the other countries of the world have reported that they wish to avoid the threat of this new nerd Menace, especially considering what happened to Japan when they attempted to Wipe out their nerd population. For the time being the US army has blocked San Diego. Currently there has been no report for the Office of California's Governor, considering that he was sent to Guantanamo Bay months earlier.