UnNews:Nazi impostor apprehended in Israel
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Nazi impostor apprehended in Israel
The one that Univisión did not buy out
Friday, October 28, 2016, 02:46:UTC)(
7 August 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
JERUSALEM -- Israeli police arrested a woman in Jerusalem on Tuesday, who pretended to be a Nazi soldier befriending Israel. In the five years in which she pretended to be an allied soldier to Israel, she participated in last summer's war in Lebanon, amongst other army drills and secret battles. She did this because she "felt like it was time to give back what we Nazis took from Israel," and that it "made me feel good."
After the initial shock experienced by Israeli soldiers on that hot day 5 summers ago, the woman was allowed to attend training exercises, battles, and even the Lebanese war, in which the army was involved last year.
Police said the 24-year-old woman had visited army bases throughout the country, dressed in full Nazi apparel, carrying a plastic water pistol that had been purchased in a toy store. When asked about having not spotted this before, Israeli officials responded that "We don't really have anything a hell of a lot better. It was easy to miss."
The woman was treated to all the luxuries of an Israeli soldier during her five year stay, which included...water. Army officials were furious when they found out that their precious resources had been ripped off by this impostor. "It's bad enough she was a goddamn Nazi...but this man...this is going too far," stated General Huzzbachlah, of the nineteenth battalion.
Israeli media reported that during last summer's war with Hezbollah guerrillas, the woman joined an artillery battery located near Israel's border with Lebanon and assisted soldiers with their operations. Her persistence in killing off as many Lebanese as possible was matched only by her insatiable need to pay back Israel for what the Nazis had done.
At one point, the woman charged an entire fleet of Lebanese tanks, with nothing but her water pistol in hand, screaming phrases to the effect of "FOR JERUSALEM!" She took out most of the tanks, as Lebanon had never seen such sophisticated artillery as she had.
The woman will be receiving extensive therapy, and psychological studies are to be conducted on her soon. In light of these recent events, she has been offered a job by Uncyclopedia.