UnNews:Navy man jailed for rape of war ship
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Navy man jailed for rape of war ship
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Wednesday, September 28, 2016, 20:34:UTC)(
14 March 2007
CRAPPER-BY-THE-SEA, UK -- A Royal Navy senior rating has been jailed for five years by a court martial for the rape of a warship. Chief Petty Officer Marvin Hankward had denied attacking the destroyer at sea in the Mediterranean a year ago. The 30-year-old, from Harwich, is the first sailor to be convicted for the rape of a naval vessel since 1766 when Admiral Horatio Janglers was famously convicted of sexually assaulting a captured Spanish galleon.
The president of the panel, Commodore Ian Bunkup, sentenced Hankward to five hundred lashes of the cat o'nine tails and a vigorous buggering from ten burly seamen. Judge Advocate General Harold Whoosh told Hankward, who showed little emotion, that he would, "probably not be able to sit down for a few weeks".
The judge told Marvin that the panel found him guilty on the evidence provided by his victim, whose identity is protected for legal reasons, who said in a statement that, "I was on patrol in the Mediterranean when Officer Hankward came up to buff up my Gatling guns. He had nearly finished when he forced himself upon me."
Of Hankward the judge said: "You made no effort to establish whether this Royal Navy warship consented. You had complete disregard for her objections, your story is a complete fabrication and your lack of care for her afterwards was callous."
Alan Bumstun, defending, said "oh come on, she was begging for it. Just ask the 277 other sailors who serve on this ship, they've all had her you know! She LOVES it."