UnNews:Navel Speaks to Man
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Navel Speaks to Man
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, May 27, 2017, 00:47:UTC)(
27 August 2008
On a warm August evening, while Karl Hoechler was laying in bed reading, he heard a voice. It was not his wife, as the voice was that of a man's, and his son was camping with a church group. Karl got up and look outside the windows, but to no avail-no one was out there.
Returning to his book, Karl settled in. The little voice spoke again. "Hallo!" said the little voice. "Can you please move the book? I can't see the television." Karl moved the book and looked down at his belly button. It moved mouthing "Danke Schoen".
Odd enough that it spoke, but it was courteous too. Karl confronted his belly button. "Who are you and what are you doing in mein belly button?" said Karl. "And why ist mein belly button talking mit me?"
"You are blocking the television." stated his bellybutton. "And I am merely your bellybutton. I have always been able to speak, I just never had any need too. I've a friend, he can speak too, but he's a toe."
Karl thought of calling the police but they would only take him and his bellybutton away, and then he'd be in jail with a talking bellybutton. At least it was polite and he was in the comfort of his own home. Karl poked it with his finger.
"Hey! Stop that please!" "Es tut mir Leid" said Karl ('I'm sorry.' in German). Karl though for a moment. "Would you care for a cheesesandwich?" Karl said. "Danke, nein." replied his polite navel. "Cheese gives me nightmares." "Me too." said Karl.
Karl dimmed the lights and pulled the sheets up to his naval. Mrs. Hoechler brushed her teeth and joined him in bed. "I've brunch tomorrow with the Sewing Club." She said, kissing him on the cheek before turning over to her side and curling up to sleep.
"Very good." said Karl. They all went to sleep. Even the navel.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|