UnNews:Natural cancer cure to be tested

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Reverted edit(s) of 75.142.4.32 (talk) to last version by Zim ulator)
 
Line 22: Line 22:
 
<!-- Hint: If you like you can make up crap or find a suitable article in the uncyclopedia -->
 
<!-- Hint: If you like you can make up crap or find a suitable article in the uncyclopedia -->
   
[[Category:North America]]
+
[[Category:Health in the United States]]
  +
[[Category:Science and technology in the United States]]
 
[[Category:Scientific theories]]
 
[[Category:Scientific theories]]
[[Category:Medicine]]
 

Latest revision as of 03:58, December 14, 2011

This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 UnFair and UnBalanced

24 October 2009

Probing

High fiber colonic; so easy a child can do it.

KENMORE, Washington -- Researchers at Bastyr University college of Naturopathic Medicine claim promising results with a natural cancer therapy called high fiber colonics. The therapy is highly controversial, and involves a source of fiber, in this case a tree branch, administered rectally.

"What we do is have the client lie naked on their belly, and shove a tree branch up their ass," said Dr. Fletcher Pariah ND, lead researcher and inventor of the cure. He went on to explain, "The theory is that the vitalist energones of the cancer get distracted by the pain signals coming from the colon, and reshift their alignment along a more neutral path of Chi flow. We also do demonstrations of the technique for members of our "Laughter Therapy" groups. In combination with "Kind Bud Therapy", this is very effective in treating depression and hiccoughs. "

edit Opposing Views

Says Dr. Festus Ogliocene of the American Medical Association, "Basically, they're putting a stick up a patients ass and calling it therapy. It's outrageous."

The American Chriropractic Association has released a statement condemning High Fiber Colonics, saying "there is a distinct danger that shoving a stick up your ass can cause vertebral subluxations. Of course, we chiropractors are the only ones who can fix those. Never mind, carry on."

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects