Nation, UnNews in infinite loop

Where man always bites dog

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2 April 2016


Wikia Headquarters receives 72 convention delegates. However, once the imminent increase in the California minimum wage to $15 forces underperforming staffers out of their jobs, there will not be 72 live bodies in the entire building.

WIKIA CITY, California -- The American political system is stuck in an infinite loop on the eve of Tuesday's primary election in Wisconsin, and to mark this state of affairs as well as April Fool's Day, popular webhost Wikia has played a massive prank on the venerable UnNews service.

The button to create a new UnNews article, like the button to nominate a new article for either deletion or front-page featuring, now gives the unsuspecting user an error message that he has set into motion a process that will never stop. The only alternative is to type the URL that the UnNews article would have, if it existed, at which time the website, with a sheepish grin, will ask if the user would like to create such a story, as if it couldn't figure that out.

Back in Wisconsin, the Democratic Party concludes eight years of accusing its opponents of being old white people who all hate Persons of Color to shame them into electing an amateur on the sole basis of "blackness," and turns to a competition between two of the oldest and whitest people imaginable — the candidate wearing an FBI Cankle bracelet spared from any tough questions by moderators, audiences, and the candidate wearing Depends, and with hundreds of super-delegates ready to thwart the will of the majority.

The Republican Party, meanwhile, will stage yet another state primary election pitting an elderly jillionaire casino operator who really hasn't thought much about whether or not he would jail pregnant women, against a trial lawyer who prefers to carpet-bomb pregnant women, while Karl Rove winks to talk radio that the convention will ditch both these blowhards and offer the electorate a "fresh face," probably Romney/Ryan again; after all, having snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in 2012, it is still "their turn."

As there are surely about 57 U.S. states left in the nomination process, staging an election every Tuesday between two loathsome options, with strong hints that the vote will not matter, is a classic infinite loop — one that may induce voters to instead go to Uncyclopedia and try their luck against the other one.