UnNews:Natasha Kampusch to Host New Show
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
14 August 2009
Dungeon-dwelling beauty Natsha Kampusch has announced plans to host a new game show on US television, airing early 2010.Kampusch, who was kidnapped at age 10 and held in an Austrian dungeon for eight years, has recently seen her talkshow flop on Austrian television, and has decided to give her media career a final shot before her inevitable descent into topless photo shoots/complete obscurity.
The show, 'Kampusch's Dungeon Nightmares' will see 6 contestants locked into the same dungeon where Kampusch herself was imprisoned; where they will undertake a series of mental, emotional and seuxal assaults from a carefully chosen panel of Austrian perverts. The last contestant standing will win $50,000 and a ski-ing holiday in one of Vienna's finest resorts.
Critics have already complained that buxom Kampusch, 21, is riding on the media furlore that followed her kidnap, and many have questioned whether the show is in good taste. But Kampusch is quick to defend her new endeavour, insisting that it will raise awareness of dungeon based-kidnaps and will give people a unique insight into her torment at the hands of Wolfgang Priklopil. "And it will be fun!" she adds, happily. "People are fascinated by the macabre, the morbid and the downright perverse. Otherwise nobody would know who the hell I was!" she laughs, fluttering her eyelids prettily.
Kampusch seems to be recovering well from her ordeal and has admitted to "having a fucking ball" in the years since her escape. "There's so much stuff I've missed out on," she says, stroking my face seductively. "Parties, hot guys, Prison Break, crystal meth... I've been whoring about a bit and it's been great."
Kampusch's Dungeon Nightmares will air on NBC early next year.