UnNews:Nappy Headed Hoe introduced
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
12 April 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
RONKOKOMA, Long Island -- Luxury retailer Hammacher-Schlemmer announced the latest in gardening tools: The Nappy Headed Hoe.
'You won't accidentally scratch your plants with this hoe," said Hammacher-Schlemmer spokesman Kevin Rose."Its soft nappy head is safe for everything. This unique garden instrument looks like a traditional hoe, but the head, instead of being metal, is made up of tightly woven curls of Alpaca hair. It was developed by the Agricultural Research Dept at Rutgers University in New Jersey."
Hammacher-Schlemmer is about to launch a massive ad campaign to promote their new tool. "We're amazed how fast word is already spreading about the hoe. Last week radio personality Don Imus mentioned it on his show," boasts VP of Marketing Bruce Biggerstaff. "Don's a rancher, and uses hoes on the Imus Ranch, and told his audience that Rutgers had a bunch of nappy headed hoes. We find that to be a valued recommendation"
Talk show host and lesbian Ellen Degeneres announced that next week she will be giving each member of her audience a hoe. Not to be out done, Oprah is proclaiming herself "Queen of Nappiness", and will give out nappy hoes, nappy picks, and nappy shovels at a gala celebration launching "Oprah's Gardening Club".
The hoe will retail at a price of $69, slightly cheaper south of the Mason-Dixon line. It goes on sale May 1 at fancy-schmancy stores nationwide.