UnNews:Naked Pope still on the loose
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Naked Pope still on the loose
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, February 13, 2016, 17:36:UTC)(
25 December 2009
Vatican City - After an exhausting, one year manhunt for Pope Benedict, his whereabouts are still yet unknown.
What caused his disappearance in the first place was his graphic outburst during last year's holiday address. In protest of a "homosexual storm fagging the rainforest into gaydum", he preceded to viciously tear off his wardrobe.
An onlooker of the event described the Pope as "throbbingly naked" and that he "expressed no concern for the crowd as he pranced around nakedly while mumbling nonsensical words about trees and gay people."
"It was so much like that 'wardrobe malfunction' that Janet Jackson had at the Superbowl," said another onlooker, "except replace Janet's nipple with the Pope's cock. And that it wasn't at the Superbowl but at a religious ceremony. Did I mention the Pope's cock?"
As the Pope disappeared into the cold, Italian night, a mass search party assembled. Some sources pointed at the Pope hiding out in the Amazon. Locals of that area indeed described seeing "an angry, naked old man karate chopping a 40 year old poster of Liberace." However, various sightings of the nude Pope soon dried up.
"I don't know why he's naked", commented Cardinal Richlieu of the Vatican Church. "All I know is he's really angry at Liberace."