UnNews:Merrill Lynch and Bank of America merge, NYSE rises 500 points as result.
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Merrill Lynch and Bank of America merge, NYSE rises 500 points as result.
Where man always bites dog
Monday, October 24, 2016, 14:17:UTC)(
15 September 2008
The New York Stock Exchange rose over 500 points today as two powerful banking companies Merrill Lynch and Bank of America merged together in order to form a banking powerhouse. Consumers and investors couldn't be happier. The deal was reached almost 48 hours after negotiations began, as both sides were very eager to reach an agreement. The deal is expected to send profits through the roof.
The Chairman of Bank of America called it "the strategic opportunity of a lifetime."
"The American people can remain confident in the soundness and resilience of our financial system," the US Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson
Paulson was also reported as saying that we are "working through a difficult period in our financial markets right now as we work off some of the past excesses." Wait, what? Hmm. Must be a misprint.
Anyways, in other news, banking firm Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy... Hold on, this can't be right. What the?
Hey, wait a minute, I'm reading the graph upside-down...
- "Merrill Lynch and Bank of America merge to form banking superpower". BBC News, September 15, 2008