UnNews:NFL players fined for Indian leg wrestling

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
NFL players fined for Indian leg wrestling

The news outlet with approval higher than Congress

UnNews Logo Potato
Wednesday, July 26, 2017, 04:46:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

11 April 2017

Indian Leg Wrestling Federation 2

Las Vegas's lean, mean wrestling machines.

LAS VEGAS, Nevada -- NFL players who participated in a Las Vegas Indian leg wrestling contest will be fined by the league for a violation of its gambling policy.

Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker Richard 'Groundpounder' Grounds, Miami Dolphins wide receiver Bobby 'The Hammer' Hammersly, and Oakland Raiders punter Johnny 'Razzle-Dazzle' Quinn were among the active NFL players who participated in the event. Former NFL running back Marshawn Lynch, who is currently contemplating a comeback, was also among the popcorn vendors.

Indian Leg Wrestling Federation 1

War, Las Vegas style.

The event featured more than 30 current and former NFL players, according to Felicia Castro of ESPN.com between sips of sangria. The Pro Football Thumb Wrestling Championship took place from April 5-9 in Kingman, AZ and is slated to air on CBS on May 27-28. "The majority of wrestlers wear Capezio dance shoes because they provide the right blend of traction, comfort, and daintiness. Look, I'm wearing mine now!"

“Had we been asked in advance if this was acceptable, we would have indicated that it was in direct violation of the gambling policy.” said Ed 'Big Guns' Swanner, the NFL’s executive vice president of beer drinking and buffalo wing eating, told Adam Bein of USA Today. Adding; “May I please have a napkin? How come mine didn't come with celery? Richard got celery! Last night, Richard put on the bubble machine and we all wrestled until 2 a.m. listening to DJ Girl by Katalina. It was great! Can I please have more napkins? Wings are messy. Thank you!"

The NFL has bans in place on events taking place in Las Vegas, which has legalized sports gambling. In the past, the league has banned players from participating in other events in the city—the 3 legged event with former Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, a seriously bloody full-contact hide-and-seek tournament, and a bottle-rocket-launching-out-of-the-buttocks event last Fall.

Players who are part of the winning individual and team competitions will have some of the prize money donated to a charity of their choice. Realistically speaking, the money'll go towards beer.

"If you control the city (Las Vegas), you control the Indian Leg Wrestling," said a federal agent. "And the last thing anybody wants is another West Side Story."

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects