UnNews:NBC only network to pay proper respect to boobs
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NBC only network to pay proper respect to boobs
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, September 5, 2015, 02:27:UTC)(
12 September 2012
NEW YORK, New York -- In a shocking unpatriotic display of tit disrespect, only one American television network - the National Broadcasting Corporation - stood tall and paid proper respect to the boob on this most important historic day in our nation's history.
Only NBC took the time to properly give boobs the very simple moment of airtime that they deserve and that Americans should be able to expect from such honorable public institutions as the television networks. On this important day of remembrance, only NBC boldly and with appropriate patriotic fervor aired anything breast-related - a candid and informative interview with a reality TV star about her own breast implants. Every other network - including ABC, CBS, Fox, and even the respected and venerable CNN - went dead silent, broadcasting nothing - no words about side boob, no reports of awesome nipple slips, not a single tit talk. This shameful display was made even worse by the fact that these networks were not even busy doing anything else important - they were literally broadcasting absolutely nothing at all. It was a disgrace.
On a day that boobs are perhaps as important as they always are, how our networks could possibly simply go silent - without a single mention of anything at all, let alone the glorious breast, is unconscionable. Our children are fed by them, or gentlemen are enamored of them, and our ladies are endowed with them - the fact that almost all the networks did not even make a single mention of them is an issue that must and certainly will be investigated by UnNews journalists to the fullest, until retractions and apologies are issued. A sweeping boycott of the guilty networks is not out of the question.
UnNews readers may rest assured that the boob going uncelebrated on this solemn and unforgotten date will not be tolerated by this news desk.