UnNews:NATO unveils new cruiser

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7 April 2011

Ussronald

Each figure on the deck is a tank.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Earlier today, military scientist working out of the U.S. Naval Research Center unveiled a newly built prototype sea vessel capable of engaging targets under sea, on land, in air, space, and more importantly, in Libya. The vessel, six years in the designing, will be part of the new ”Deus Ex Machina" class developed solely for improbable warfare situations that the United States and other western powers have no reason to enter.

Because of the important role these vessels will be playing, top military minds have over-engineered it to an astounding degree. The grey water (sewage) system alone has over 246 levels of redundancy to prevent any possible problem from affecting the vessel, which is designed to be able to float in six inches of water at over 50 mph due to a highly experimental assisted-levitation system created solely for this craft.

Some of the other systems developed exclusively for this craft include:

  • Total invisibility shield
  • Anti-matter reactor
  • Dark matter shielding
  • And an anti-iceberg laser weapon

Critics of the ship say they cannot see why a ship ought to have helicopter blades and fly from point A to B if it can just use its tank treads to go over land, but the Navy told them to shove it.

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