UnNews:NATO blasts hot air in the direction of Moscow
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NATO blasts hot air in the direction of Moscow
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 24, 2015, 11:46 (UTC)
3 March 2014
BRUSSELS, Belgium -- NATO has launched a hot air balloon in the direction of Moscow, following Russia's intervention in the Ukraine last weekend. NATO Secretary-General Anders Fogh 'Foggy' Rasmussen said the balloon carried an important message from NATO that, if Russia didn't pull out 'their sticky fingers' from Ukraine's innards, then further rhetoric dirigibles will follow.
"This crisis calls for a lot of hot air," said Rasmussen. "That is why I called a meeting of NATO's members to manufacture the best wordy warnings we can manage at short notice. Russian President Vladimir Putin should do nothing until our balloon reaches their airspace in a week."
It only took about 30 minutes to fill the balloon — such was the level of righteous exhalation witnessed inside the main debating room. The Americans, British and French NATO ambassadors are said to have provided the majority of the content with Germany supplying the technology and know-how to construct the modern Zeppelin.
The emergency debate was called after Ukraine changed government in Kiev and ejected President Viktor Yanukovych and confiscated the gold taps in his bathroom. Since then the country has fallen into confusion and counter-confusion which has led to some very weird television images beamed out of the country by the world's news media.
At the press conference after the announcement of the balloon warning to Russia, Rasmussen was asked if NATO had any other ways of threatening Russia — short of war. He replied that caviar would no longer be served at official functions hosted by NATO.
The Russian response was to hack NATO's website and present a smiling shirtless Putin pointing at his nipples.