UnNews:NATO Declares War on Kangaroos
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NATO Declares War on Kangaroos
Straight talk, from straight faces
Thursday, May 5, 2016, 12:59:UTC)(
9 May 2008
Warsaw, Poland (AP)- Following Saturday's terrorist bombing in a zoo near Surrey, UK, in which a mad kangaroo went on a killing rampage that ended in an explosion and 3 dead people, NATO, the No Action, Talk Only association made up of the United States, Britain, Germany, France, and many other countries, has declared unrestrained war on the radical Islamic terrorist group currently known only as Kangaroos. Many people argue that the kangaroo in question had probably been pissed off because the zookeepers kept stabbing it with pitchforks, but a NATO spokesperson said in a press statement, "The Kangaroos have violated national security in a major way, and the kangaroo incident had NOTHING to do with animal cruelty or the fact that zoos have pitchforks right outside the kangaroo cage. Now is the time to pay them back for the dreadful zoo incident by activating our previously underused troops and unveiling our newest, most secretest attack strategies. The Kangaroos will not know what hit them."
The statement was met with enthusiasm by most citizens of Europe and the United States. Said one delighted civilian in France, "Oh-ho-ho, it iz time to teach zem a lesson zey will not zoon forget!" The Bush administration released a statement following the statement from NATO, saying, "Finally, we get to teach those bastards a lesson! I was hurted by a kangaroo in a zoo when I was a wittle kid... Mom warned me not to shoot it with my toy shotgun... but she never told me it was a toy... Anyway, we will support NATO with all that we have!" This statement was followed by the President running off the stage, tissue in hand.
NATO is expected to deploy two full school buses of troops into Kangarooia by tomorrow night, and "many more will follow" says our NATO friend. In addition, the 473364226867.29th Infantry Brigade of the National Farce, based in Mississippi, and a squad of kangaroo-repellent specialists will be deploying to Kangarooia later this week.
CNN, Fox News, and NBC are already preparing footage of dead Kangaroos, just to make us feel better about starting ANOTHER WAR.