UnNews:NASA discovers Moon is actually giant pancake!
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NASA discovers Moon is actually giant pancake!
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Tuesday, December 1, 2015, 00:36:UTC)(
5 June 2006
NATIONAL iHOP OBSERVATORY, WALLA WALLA WASHINGTON - NASA scientists shocked the world yesterday by electricuting the idea that just because the Earth is round, all other celestrial bodies have to be, too. "This scientific dogma is discriminatory!" one Stanford university professor said, "Who says gay people can't have kids?" Not only was the Moon discovered to be flat, but it was also discovered to be made of fried pancake batter.
It would take a lot of syrup for Neil Armstrong to have been able have breakfast on this Pancake, just for moisture alone. The pancake was fried over 2345234523452362345.7 million billion gazillion years ago when it broke away from the Giant Primodeal Soup Can. No really, that's what scientists believe.
Just because leading scholars believe this, however, a loud and sometimes violent minority still clings to the old view. Ameteur astronomical enthusiasts report that the moon looks exactly as it always has, and are wonding what the hell everyone else is going on about. Meanwhile, scouts report all is quiet in the pit, but one wonders, "When will the invasion start?"
The argument of the non-scientific/adademic eleet is based on the fact that Apple computers were sponsoring the observation program that produced the unconventional results, and that grant was beginning to run out. Therefore, they claim, the results of the study were allegedly skewed to allegedly promote the alleged new iHOP device Apple is allegedly releasing onto the alleged market allegedly next fall. Allegedly.
"iHOP will revolutionize the way everyone sees pancakes" says Anti Bill Gates, (the mirror-universe clone of good old American Bill of Borg) the genius who came up with the original concept of the Y-Box, "from now on, no one will eat a pancake without paying a subscription fee! Oh, and we absolutely deny all knowledge of the rather suspicious grants we've been dumping on the iHOP observatory along with some rather threatening letters leading up to this funky lunar breakfast thing."
Other commercial interests are homing in on this discovery. Major international companies are said to be interested in the newly discovered mining and culinary properties. "If we could just tap into these amazing new resources," the president of EVIL EVIL OLD COMPANY INC said in a press conference, "why, the resulting products would be selling like ... flapjacks!"