UnNews:NASA denies claims that wrong kind of duck caused crash
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NASA denies claims that wrong kind of duck caused crash
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, December 9, 2016, 13:55:UTC)(
20 September 2007
Yesterday, at 16:45 PCT, the Space Shuttle Endeavor crashed into Yellow Stone Park, killing all on board including seven astronauts, an experimental mold farm, and a super-intelligent radioactive Aylesbury Duck.
After no investigation, NASA has concluded that the cause of the crash was in fact pilot error, the pilot at the time of the crash being the duck.All this amid claims that the duck was a slap and dash replacement for a sick astronaut.
As the shuttle crashed, the super-volcano in Yellow Stone Park simultaneously erupted. Sadly the remains of the shuttle prevented a full eruption and the owners of the land are now suing the ducks family for $10 000 000 in damages as the crash effected their insurance premium whilst preventing them from getting the $5 000 000 payout they would have received in the case of an eruption.
A leaked report from NASA, concluding that Mallard ducks, not Aylesbury ducks should be used to replace sick astronauts, today reached the British 'newspaper' The Daily Mail, 'The Sun' copied and pasted this story and claimed it as their own, while the 'Daily Express' led with a story about Princess Diana.
Another rumour, apparently from within NASA itself, claims that the duck was in fact genetically modified, not radioactive and should not have been used, regardless of species.
Speaking to Larry King on CNN last night, NASA released the following statement:
- "We would like to stress that it is perfectly normal procedure to allow a duck to land a spacecraft, and that Aylesbury Ducks are in fact the most suited to the job. The failure of the super-volcano eruption is indeed sad, and we shall defend oursleves to the death from this lawsuit. We would also like to deny any rumours that somebody set up us the bomb, that this was a terrorist attack, or that Elvis was one of the pilots."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|