UnNews:NASA chief Michael Griffin resigns over handling of Saturn hurricane
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
NASA chief Michael Griffin resigns over handling of Saturn hurricane
Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
Friday, March 23, 2018, 13:26:UTC)(
11 November 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
HOUSTON, TX -- NASA chief Michael Griffin submitted his resignation on Saturday after people nationwide criticized his botched handling of the Saturn hurricane. Even the NASA Times recently published an editorial calling for Griffin's ouster. This despite earlier support for the chief from the federal government, including an appearance with Bush during which the President told him, "You're doing a heck of a job, Griffie."
Critics say NASA was completely unprepared for the storm and its response afterwards was inexcusably slow. The 5000 mile-wide hurricane is the largest to ever hit any Solar System planet, and has caused unprecedented devastation on Saturn. The White House promises that the ringed planet will get funding for reconstruction, but many say it's "too little, too late." Congress has so far approved 500 million in emergency spending for Saturn.
Fellow NASA officials say Griffin may just be a scapegoat and that incompetence stretched all the way from the federal to the planetary level. Despite early forecasting of the hurricane, NASA's Cassini spacecraft was positioned 210 thousand miles away, making accurate measurements impossible, and thus leading astrophysicists to misunderestimate the storm. NASA shifts blame to the federal budget, which last year cut spending for the agency's equipment.
Democrats say this fiasco is a perfect example of the Republicans' mismanagement. After they take power in January, they vow to ensure that all government agencies will be prepared for such storms in the future. "Whether it be on Saturn or on Venus, we have to take care of our planets," forcefully asserted Senator Harry Reid, adding, "We even have to keep Pluto safe, even though it's no longer technically considered a planet." Future House Speaker Nancy Pelosi praised Bush for the sacking of Griffin, but said that's just the first step.
Even celebrities are trying to help in the storm's aftermath. Singer Lance Bass says he will renew his bid to become the next space tourist so that he can "get closer to Saturn and help with the reconstruction there." Some, however, are taking a more negative tone and directly criticizing the administration. In a telethon to raise money for NASA on Friday, Kanye West diverged from the script and blurted out on live TV, "George Bush doesn't care about space exploration!"