UnNews:NASA: "International Space Station infested with Necromorphs"
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NASA: "International Space Station infested with Necromorphs"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 17:00:UTC)(
25 May 2008
Today, NASA has announced that the orbiting International Space Station, or USSR, has had conditions that- up until now- were so deleterious and so frequently ignored that an outbreak of Nercomorphs has caused a paddock bay to be closed down for maintainence due to such poor work conditions. NASA reports that the astronauts have repetedly been told to 'clean their rooms' but ignored the orders and instead sat in front of a zero-gravity television. "It's like they want to be filthy," said Commander Iea Hayes "I told them that if they don't clean their rooms soon, there could be an infestation of ants by months end- but NOW look at them."
It has been announced that NASA has plans to completely renovate the 32-billion dollar habitat by weeks end. Astronauts told reporters todays that they've actually been adapting to the conditions, and that such measures are not only necessary- but that interfering with the experimental living adjustments could jeaprodize any vaulable information that could come from this.
But NASA isn't having any of it. They've said that if those Necromorphs weren't gone by the time their next resupply shipment comes in, they're in serious trouble. Orkin Pests exterminators have offered to do the renovation on the ISS, and NASA has kindly agreed.
"We're talking about a 32-billion dollar satellite orbit above the earth for the benefit of all mankind- not some fifth-grader's bedroom!" spoke Commander Iea Hayes. "I swear, if we have to send up a man there to clean up this mess for them, those astornauts are in for a serious spanking!"