UnNews:Mysterious flatulence hits New York
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Mysterious flatulence hits New York
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, February 28, 2017, 08:53:UTC)(
8 January 2007
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NEW YORK - Today, the New York autorities are investigating a strange 'flatulence-like' smell that is creeping through the streets of Manhattan and up resident's noses. However, the cause for this stench is as of yet unkown.
Michael Bloomberg, Mayor of New York, in a press conference said "It wasn't me, I can tell you that, but damn! Someone had something nasty for breakfast!. I'm outta here, preferably somewhere within a hundred-mile radius."
NYPD units are patrolling the streets, armed with special Magic Tree equipped Patrol Cars. The head of the New York Police, Chief Clancy Wiggum, said "We do not believe this is a new breed of flatulence-based terrorist attack. However, the threat to the general public is severe if the flatulence is of the silent-but-violent variety. Hopefully this is not the case, but we must take precautions. Please take this clothes peg."
Experts say that flatulence has not been on this scale since the Great 1906 San Francisco Earthquaker, which claimed thousands of lives and destroyed hundreds of buildings. This however, is a 'new breed', which may have been fuelled not by climate change, but by the invention and large daily intake of Dr Pepper, and a variety of different pies.