UnNews:Mutant species discovered amid warnings of Godzilla threat
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Mutant species discovered amid warnings of Godzilla threat
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out
Friday, November 27, 2015, 10:56:UTC)(
23 May 2010
UNITED NATIONS -- An Eagle-faced Shark, Psychedelic Frogfish, One-eyed Octopus, Bug-eating Sea-serpent, Straight-walking Crab, Halo-headed Saint-fish, and Carnivorous Stone-eyed Tuna, are some of the top new mutant species alarming scientists.
"Pollution-caused biodiversity perversion is moving ecological systems ever closer to flipping-out beyond which they will no longer be able to behave themselves in a civil manner," said Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon on the International Day for Biological Diversity, which is being marked in 11 countries, including Atlantis.
"The perversion of our natural resources continues apace," the secretary-general said in a statement. “It won’t be long before we face a Godzilla type of mutant!”
A report released in late April by researchers from the United Nations Environment Perversion Program showed that world leaders had failed on a 2002 commitment to reduce the global rate of adverse biodiversity by 2010.
It found that since 1970 weird animal populations had increased 30 percent, the area covered by mangroves and sea grasses was up 20 percent and the coverage of poisonous mutant-corals had increased 40 percent.
He warned that communities everywhere would "reap the negative consequences," but that the "poorest people and most vulnerable communities will suffer most."
The release of a top 10 list species for 2009 continues an annual tradition that marks the anniversary of the birth of biologist Carolus Linnaeus, who initiated the modern system of classifying perverted and mutant plants and animals.
The new discoveries include a Solid-golden Orb Spider able to spin 24k gold webs of more than a meter in diameter. It is the first of its species named since the Golden Goose in 1879.
A Tadpole with venomous fangs found in Myanmar is the first example of oral teeth-like structure found in the smallest family of freshwater frogs. And, a Sea Slug that eats Whales was an unusual find in Pak Phanang Bay in the Gulf of Thailand.
"Most people do not realize just how incomplete our knowledge of Earth's species is or the steady rate at which toxicologists are exploring that mutant diversity," said Quentin Wheeler, director of the International Institute of Species Perversion.
- Staff Reporters "Mutant species discovered amid warnings of Godzilla threat". CNN, May 22, 2010