UnNews:Muslim leaders ask for renaming of Swine Flu
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Muslim leaders ask for renaming of Swine Flu
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 29, 2015, 08:27:UTC)(
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: Muslim leaders denounced the name "swine flu", calling it offensive. Instead, they asked for the WHO to rename the almost-pandemic "Jew Flu."
"Swine, which can mean pigs, hogs, boar, and miscellaneous pork products, are considered dirty animals in our religion," said Muhammed Aberneinad at the British embassy.
"Naming an incredibly dangerous disease after the animals it originated from in this case makes no sense, and is quite offensive to us and our religion. It would be much more politically correct to name it after an entire ethnic and religious group."
Israeli leaders declined to comment, but resentful muttering was heard throughout Jerusalem.
"Why can't they just call it Mexican flu, if that's where it comes from?" wondered Ezra Almog, 54, who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
In Mexico City, however, citizens were quick to point out the infallible rational behind the attempted renaming.
"It's not like we're responsible," said Carlos K.
"Mankind's latest and greatest threat is coming from a virus that is almost entirely based off of a swine flu. So of course it should be renamed to the Muslim's hated enemy. As far as they're concerned, Jews are probably more of a threat than an infectious disease that can be spread by human-to-human contact. So yes, it makes sense."
The U.N. and the W.H.O. are expected to get into an awful brawl over the name change shortly. While most ambassadors expect to fight for "no", certain Asian ambassadors rather like the name.
"It's nice to think that the latest thing that will kill us all doesn't come from northern China," said a Chinese ambassador. He continued,
"That rhymes in Korean."
The U.S. ambassador had no comment, but fits of giggling could be heard from his office all day.