UnNews:Muslim cabbies fined for refusing fares

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18 January 2007

Cabbie

Muslim cabbie Barak Obama fined for refusing fare

CHICAGO, IL - Muslim cab driver Barak Obama is among thousands of other cabbies who have been fined for refusing to transport passengers with liquor or guide dogs in a crackdown on bigoted behavior by the Metropolitan Airports Commission (MAC).

“I don’t want drunks in my cab,” Obama told Uncyclopedia reporter Lotta Lies, “and I don’t want smelly dogs in my car, urinating, defecating, shedding fur, and infesting my upholstery with their lice and fleas. Besides, the Koran is clear that dogs are filthy, unclean creatures, not man’s best friends.”

Bill Williams, a spokesman for the MAC blames the federal government for the volatile situation that has developed in and around Chicago between cab drivers and would-be passengers. “If the idiots in Washington, D. C. would protect the borders and prevent illegal immigrants from invading our country, we wouldn’t be knee deep in Muslim Somali cabbies, and true Americans wouldn’t be the victims of their bigotry.”

“It’s not bigotry,” Obama argued. “It’s the will of Allah. He hates liquor, and he hates dogs; both are abominations to him.”

Williams said, “The Commission has authorized an increase in fines. In the past, a cabbie would have to pay only $100 for refusing a fare; now, the fine is 20 of the virgins that he would receive once he enters Valhalla or wherever he goes to claim those virgins after he dies.”

Last month, the spokesman said, “Obama and his ilk refused to provide transportation for 77 people, some of whom were elderly women with lapdogs and purse pooches. The cabbies claim the dogs are unclean, but many were being taken home from pet groomers who’d trimmed their nails and shampooed and styled their fur.”

The Commission allows a few exceptions to the requirement that anyone who hails a cab must be accommodated. “If the potential passenger represents a threat to public safety or is drunk or on drugs, he or she need not be accepted as a passenger.”

“That’s all I need to know,” Obama said, “because dogs are dangerous, and people with alcohol tend to get drunk or take drugs. They’re not getting into my cab, and my virgins are safe, praise Allah!”

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