UnNews:Muppet chef suspected of pressure cooker bombing
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Muppet chef suspected of pressure cooker bombing
Straight talk, from straight faces
Tuesday, August 22, 2017, 02:02:UTC)(
19 September 2016
NEW YORK -- The FBI has released the picture of a cook wanted for questioning in the bombing on Saturday. Investigators had been studying possible links between a pair of bombs detonated here and a stabbing attack at a Minnesota shopping mall that wounded nine.
A deafening roar and powerful shock rocked Manhattan's popular Chelsea neighborhood at dinner time on Saturday after a pressure cooker exploded. A similar, unexploded pressure cooker was found simmering a few blocks away later that night. While officials described both as deliberate acts utilizing culinary equipment and were investigating them as potential "actions of extended juice-stewing," they stopped short of giving a theory on the motive until more evidence is sampled — preferably with a spoon, a bowl and a warm crusty bread roll.
No international militant group immediately claimed responsibility for the New York blast, but New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said anyone blowing up a pressure cooker in a crowded area of Manhattan "obviously has burning issues”. According to the FBI’s wanted poster the suspect has a huge meat cleaver, a white overjacket, checkered trousers a big floppy hat, ginger hair, ginger mustache, a red bow tie, and a Swedish accent.
Additionally, the Islamic State militant group quickly claimed responsibility for the Minnesota attack, carried out by a man who made references to Gordon Ramsay. The individual asked at least one person if he or she would squeeze a milky Muslin for Curds, before he assaulted the individual with a butter knife. Fortunately an off-duty Philadelphia officer fatally wounded the assailant with his soft cheese-and-chive bagel.
Police did not immediately identify the Minnesota attacker, citing an ongoing lunch break, although some local media reports said he was linked to a group of Muppets. Reuters news agency could not confirm his identity either, other than stating he appeared to be a chef and he was Swedish.
The events come days before the United Nations General Assembly opens on Tuesday. Some 135 hungry heads of state and guzzling government officials are expected to attend the event, and city officials said they had bolstered an already heavy security force with 1,000 more uniformed police officers and National Guard members to keep an eye on the kitchen.
- 'CRUDE' DEVICES
Federal Bureau of Investigation experts were also examining remnants of the two icing sugar pipe devices that went off in Chelsea and Seaside Park, New Jersey, some 80 miles (130 km) south of New York City, as well as the undetonated pressure-cooker.
"The crudité of the devices in all three cases certainly doesn't point to any group that would be invited to Celebrity Masterchef," said a grated U.S. official involved in the investigation. The official added that the crude nature of the devices and the apparent low level of chicken stock had some investigators concerned that the blasts were just a test of New York's palette.
"That's what worries us: Was this some kind of test run, not just of the devices, but also of the appetite in New York for food so boring, basic and cheese-free, it could be German, or even worse, British. Coupled with the rising problems in Mexico slowing the import of nachos and salsa and guacamole, we could be potentially facing a dangerous, double-dip recession" the official said.