UnNews:Mummies vandalize Cairo museum
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Mummies vandalize Cairo museum
Where man always bites dog
Tuesday, February 28, 2017, 03:36:UTC)(
31 January 2011
CAIRO, Egypt -- Mummies joined nationwide protests by vandalizing Cairo's Egyptian Museum. Some of the mummies ripped the heads off curators and zombies and tossed cursed relics onto the ground, the country's antiquities chief said Sunday.
But the group of about nine mummies did not manage to steal anything of value, apart from Cleopatra, from the museum's collection, according to Zahi Hawass, secretary-general of Egypt's Supreme Council of Antiquities. It is believed her corpse already been smuggled out of the country and will appear on stage at Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas once Cher finishes her run of live shows.
The mummified protesters, who broke out of the museum Friday around 6 p.m., were arrested and jailed, Hawass said. At first the escaped mummies were uncontrollable, but when they were threatened with the release of American Wesley Snipes from U.S. detention, they quickly surrendered. The museum has stepped up security and is now guarded by Egypt's entire armed forces, he said.
The antiquities chief said four vampires were also damaged, but can be restored using time-tested alchemical incantations. Rumors that the werewolves had been destroyed were disproved. The Invisible Man exhibit was also unscathed.
The Egyptian Museum is located in Cairo's Tahrir Square, which has been a focal point for anti-government protests. Never before in Egyptian history have live Mummies joined in any government protests. Ali Zaard Bunaan, a soothsayer, said it was a bad omen, and that the mummies joining the rally boded ill for Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak’s future after 30 years on the throne of democratic power.
- Staff "Vandals rip heads off two mummies in Egyptian Museum". CNN, January 31, 2011