UnNews:Mrs. Christ arrested for fraud!
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Mrs. Christ arrested for fraud!
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, July 30, 2015, 04:07:UTC)(
19 August 2009
JACKSONVILLE -- Emma Kim-Tashis Christ, 25, was arrested recently after she attempted to purchase a $70,000 car. When she tried to pay for the car with her husband's cheque book, a representative from a bank in California informed the Coggin Pontiac dealership's financial manager that the account that Mrs. Christ had supplied was bad.
According to witnesses, Mrs. Christ walked into the dealership and did "eenie-meenie-mynie-mow" on the cars before randomly landing on a very classy Escalade. After writing the cheque, she promptly signed it with "Mr. and Mrs. Jesus and Emma Christ" and before she knew it she was sitting in a prison cell. "This Emma woman seemed kinda dodgy to me. I know she is like Jesus' wife and all, but hey, that aint no excuse for producing fake cheques," said Lieutenant Dan from the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office.
Many Christ fans are outraged and believe that Mrs. Christ's arrest is completely unfair and unnecessary. Her case is also being compared to a similar one of a man who walked into City Hall and claimed rights to the whole city without getting arrested. "Clearly his cheque didn't bounce," said one City Hall official when he commented on the illogical comparison and the reason as to why the man had not been arrested.
Mrs. Christ is facing serious fraud charges, but seems to be confident that her husband will appear at the dealership next week. "Jesus will return next week to sign the paperwork and pick up the car and then I am going to sue the dealership and make my husband strike all the people involved in this scandalous arrest with lightning," said Mrs. Christ when interviewed by UnNews.
Many investigations as to the whereabouts of Jesus Christ have been conducted and his lying-low while his wife suffers this unjust blow has raised questions as to his credit status. Suspicions lead people to think that Jesus was remaining quiet in order to dodge the law, but UnNews staff members managed to catch up to Jesus in time to get the truth out of him through a prayer.
"Darn it all. I told her we couldn't afford that used Escalade. We are barely making ends meet as it is. I'll bet that F&I man at the dealership tried to sell me credit-life too. I knew I shouldn't have married that crazy woman. I'll see ya'll at the dealership next week," said Jesus in an exclusive statement to UnNews.
Anticipation as to the long-awaited arrival at the dealership will most likely ensue as thousands of people wait eagerly for the magical return of Jesus Christ. Until that time comes, Mrs. Christ will be kept in the Duval County jail without bail.