UnNews:Mozilla Corporation sets Guinness World Record for Most Spyware Downloads
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Mozilla Corporation sets Guinness World Record for Most Spyware Downloads
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, June 30, 2015, 08:47:UTC)(
17 June 2008
Teh Internets-- The Mozilla Corporation accidentally set the Guinness World Record today for the most downloads of a single piece of spyware today, as 8 million nerds downloaded a spyware-infected copy of Mozilla Firefox.
Apparently, some idiot forgot to check the final upload, which contained a piece of spyware that formats the victim's hard drive, shrinks the victim's testicles, and turns the victim's computer into a... erm... a ham sandwich. Yeah. It's a very evil little thing. This is what happens when you let a bunch of bored nerds volunteer to work on a "program". Obviously, people will be switching to a more secure browser, like Internet Explorer.
Most of the victims still seem to be in denial. "Um... My anti-spyware program said nothing's wrong with it, and I updated it 5 minutes ago," said This Guy, one of the people who downloaded it.
"But it's awesome- want to see the new search bar? Plus, it opens 3 times as fast as Internet Explorer and uses a fifth as much RAM..." Ha ha! Geeks these days. Moving on...
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer was overjoyed about this, naturally. "SOMEONE GET ME A CHAIR... err... Sorry, it's just that I'm not used to stuff going my way. Anyways, this is great news! Maybe now, the flock... err, Windows users will go back to using Internet Explorer and we can go back to our plan of world dominI MEAN... improving IE for its users." That's right, folks, you'll never experience fuckups like this if you use Internet Explorer. Switch back now and avoid having your computer turned into a pile of mush.
When asked about this, the CEO of Mozilla said, "This is total BS. We tested the file at every stage of the upload, and there was no malware of any kind at all." Blah blah blah. Pointless technobabble. I MYSELF downloaded a copy from RapidShare, from a link that a random, trustable person gave me, and my computer MELTED! Plus, my balls have been killing me all day.