UnNews:Mouse killed by a hawk

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17 January 2013

Hawk

A police sketch of the hawk

United States Military Academy, New York USA -- In the most important news story of the day, the life of an anonymous mouse has been brutally cut short, in what some are calling the worst tragedy since the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting.

"When I heard this tragic story, I knew it deserved to be the top News story on the Yahoo! mainpage," said Hillary Frey, editor of Yahoo! News. "This story is far more important the the Algerian hostage crisis. I mean, at this point, is a hostage crisis or other political turmoil even news anymore? The "Arab Spring" has been going on for over 2 years now, its basically the same crap, different day now. Don't even get me started on sub-Saharan Africa and its constant civil wars. The political situation has been the same basic repetitive stuff for almost half a century."

The horrific incident began when an unidentified cadet released a captured mouse into the woods. However, a few minutes later, a hawk brutally slaughtered the mouse. There is no official word yet on the identity of the hawk, or its possible affiliation with terrorist organizations. However, some have speculated that the may have been a Muslim affiliated with Al Qaeda. As of yet, the cadet has not be charged with complicity or negligence in this horrid affair.

Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that entire incident was faked. However, an amateur video of the event, leaked on youtube.com, refutes such allegations. Quoting one video analysis expert, "This video, is in my view, unedited. More importantly, there has not been enough time between the tragic death of the mouse and the posting of the video in question in order to engage in sophisticated video manipulation."

The National Rifle Association has been the first large organization to officially comment of the tragedy. In a official press release, the NRA was quick to point out the the hawk used claws, rather than a firearm, to murder the mouse. The NRA went on to suggest arming small creatures to prevent further such instances. One NRA spokeman said, "My pappy always used to say, 'if grasshoppers had machine guns, birds wouldn't mess with them'. In this case, is the mouse had a machine gun, it would still be alive today."

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