UnNews:Mother cuts allowance
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Mother cuts allowance
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!
Tuesday, January 24, 2017, 23:24:UTC)(
6 August 2007
ROME, Italy (UnNews) -- A Sicilian mother took away her 61-year-old son's house keys, locked up his donkey, cut off his allowance and hauled him to the police station because he stayed out after 10 pm drinking Chianti and playing pinochle with his friends.
"Sick and tired" of her son's misbehavior, the pensioner in the central Sicilian city of Caltagirone turned to the police to "convince this piece of stronzo di cane" to behave properly, according to a front-page story in La Sicilia, one of Sicily's leading newspapers.
The son angrily retorted that his mother did not give him a big enough weekly allowance and "did not know how to cook". He added that his mother, known as "La Donna", routinely left her rusty Thompson sub-machine-gun in the kitchen sink for him to clean and reload. She also demanded that he "dig deep holes" and "mix large quantities of concrete" on a regular basis. He described his mother as a "vindictive old hag" who ruled the island with a "fist of iron". "The bestia never tucks me in or kisses me goodnight," he complained. "This can't be good for my emotional development."
"My son does not respect me, he doesn't tell me where he's going in the evenings and returns home late," the "La Donna" was quoted as saying. "He is never happy with the food I make and always complains. He doesn't tidy his room. He doesn't feed his donkey. He digs shallow graves. Sometimes bits of the bodies are still visible. This can't go on."
Police helped the squabbling duo make up and the two returned home together riding the donkey, with the son's house keys and daily allowance restored.
Most Italian men still live at home late into their 30s, enjoying their "mama's" cooking, washing and ironing.
Since the report of this incident, many mothers around the world are following in suit. Amalegijh Dinuhad-Retfrulij, mother of two from Iran, has put both of her sons on "camel restriction" in which neither are allowed to sleep with the camel until they get a job.
"It is completely unfair! Mother knows I am still waiting for a response to my application to the Regime!" complained Ahmed-Khlenj 42, elder of the two. "The nights are getting cold, and I get scared all alone in the dark."