UnNews:Mother accuses infant of sexual harrassment
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Mother accuses infant of sexual harrassment
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, June 30, 2016, 23:15:UTC)(
13 December 2006
WACO, TX, USA - In a startling development, a 3-month old infant is charged with sexual harassment after having "inappropriately touched" his mother. The lawsuit was filed by Mrs. Maria Blackwell of Waco, Texas, after her son, Jamal Rashiff al-Taxon Blackwell III, repeatedly attempted to suck her breast. This is what she had to say:
|“||He just went straight for the nipple, the little pervert! Then he tried to suck it, and he wouldn't let go. This isn't the first time he's done it either - I don't feel safe in my own home anymore, not with [him] around.||”|
Authorities say Mrs. Blackwell is in a state of shock after the incident, and she refuses to see Jamal in his crib. When confronted as to his side of the story, Jamal responded: "Goo-goo gaa-gaa?" which can only be interpretated as a plea of innonence. The trial is scheduled for December 22, and if found guilty, Jamal will be given a very long time-out and have his blankey and juicey taken away.