UnNews:Mosquito Extinction Plan takes action

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Mosquito

Why are we killing the pandas when we should be killing this? The answer is simple: Humans are stupid.

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5 February 2012

Washington D.C, U.S.A -- Green goes Red as Obama and his fellow world leaders have met with Al Gore and his fellow environmentalists at the UN to talk about mosquitoes, as the little blood-sucking abominations continue to spread viruses and Communisum across the world.

The Government has launched a new environmental campaign called MEP (Mosquito Extinction Plan). The names Mosquito Extinction Program, Mosquito Extinction Protocol, and Mosquito Extinction Party are also applicable. Obviously, the MEP plan aims to rid the world of mosquitoes once and for all.

“If there is any species (other than humans) that deserves to be wiped off the planet, it would be mosquitoes. Nobody likes them, and all they do is make annoying buzzing sounds, cause mass itchiness, and kill millions of people every year. One also had sex with my sister before infecting her with malaria.”

Normally, the extinction of a species would result in a missing gap for the ecosystem. While mosquitoes don't appear to serve any ecological purpose to anyone other than itching and killing, some have said that mosquitoes actually serve as the natural food source of larger creatures, such as birds, bats, and fish, though scientists believe this is no big deal, as this ecological niche could quickly be replaced by many other small animals such as other insects, plankton, feral midgets, etc.

One of the few things hindering the action of MEP are some environmental groups who go against the extinction of any living thing, going as far as calling the campaign "Anti-environmental". Obama finds this ironic in a way as to how these groups are trying to protect a living thing that kills millions of other living things every year. One environmentalist has said that there can be another solution besides wiping out mosquitoes. He believes we can simply wipe out viruses[1]. World leaders believe this could only spark in more meetings.

Another problem is the fact that there are billions of growing mosquito populations worldwide. The anonymous spokesman has also talked about man's awesome ability to wipe out other living things at an incredibly rapid rate. For once, this could be used for the better by wiping out something that actually deserves extinction. One of the ideas that scientists have considered involve spraying the earth with a gigantic can of mosquito repellent, thus sending the insectoids to another planet very far away. Said gigantic can is currently under construction in Area 51 some forbidden area, and world leaders everywhere are already giving out breathing masks to their people. Some hippies also plan to help with a more environmental approach: increasing the dragonfly population. Dragonflies are not only the natural enemies of mosquitoes, but are also one of the few insects that can actually be liked (besides butterflies and bees). As long as MEP continues action, future generations will eventually be safe from the winged commies and their diseases.

Then we'll wipe out the cockroaches. Though since they can survive a nuclear war, we should probably have to try something a lot more intense. For now, let's just worry about the mosquitoes.

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