UnNews:More Toyota incidents despite engineering fix
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
More Toyota incidents despite engineering fix
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, February 11, 2016, 15:53:UTC)(
15 March 2010
SAN DIEGO, California -- Toyota automobiles continue to exhibit uncontrolled acceleration even after the company's engineers devised a fix for the best-selling rice-burner. But disturbing information is emerging about the company's accusers.
James Sikes says his car raced to 94 mph on a San Diego freeway. Sikes was on his way to a Democratic Party fundraiser and only stopped with the help of an officer of the California Highway Patrol. He says he is virtually certain that the pedal he was slamming on frantically was the brake. Toyota is casting doubt on Mr. Sikes' claim, saying his report is inconsistent with unspecified findings of the company's investigation, including undisclosed data captured by the computer inside the car.
Gomez Addams, an attorney for Sikes, said the failure to recreate the incident was insignificant and not surprising. Sikes' other lawyers and several publicists nodded in agreement.
Rep. Darrell Issa, a California congressman of the minority party, said investigators' inability to duplicate the failure raises questions about Mr. Sikes' story. "It doesn't mean it didn't happen, but it doesn't mean it did happen," Issa said with his signature clarity.
In Cleveland, Ohio, LaShondra Franklin said he experienced fear no American should endure. Franklin, a regional supervisor for ACORN, said, "I had just loaded my homies into my Toyota, with dozens of nightsticks in the trunk. We were on our way to a special election to silently intimidate Honkies. Suddenly, our car was an unstoppable projectile!"
And separate complaints have been lodged by Citizens for Global Corporate Social Responsibility. A press release says many of Toyota's vehicles are assembled in countries where citizens receive neither single-payer health care, 99 weeks of unemployment compensation, the protection of the AFL-CIO union, or even the right to sue for unlimited benefits for pain and suffering. "It's not 'piling on,'" said the group's spokeswoman. "It's about holding Corporate America--that is, Japan--to minimum standards of decency."
"We may never know exactly what happened," the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration said in a statement. "But certainly nothing that couldn't be rectified by the payment of a billion-dollar class-action settlement."