UnNews:Moose found dead after multiple jeers
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
22 April 2009
PALMER, ALASKA Two days after the tenth anniversary of the Columbine Hoove Massacre a small Alaskan town has had it's own quiet lifestyle torn apart. Although, in this case, the victim didn't manage to get their revenge they still fought back the only way they knew they could. After being insulted numerous times by the other moose and having been told, at the beginning of their Physical Education lesson, that he wouldn't be able to play their moose games, Bertie repeatedly threw himself into a wall causing internal bleeding which led to his demise.
"We feel so bad about it now, we were only kidding..." one of the moose told reporters. The teacher who was meant to oversee the lesson has apparently been taken into custody. "We believe that the teacher may have planned this event and paid a few of the younger moose to bully the deceased and cause such a reaction". This isn't the first case of its kind and moose aren't the only animal who have shown hostility towards their own. In 1974 in a secluded part of the North Pole a similar event took place with a reindeer community where a Rudolf De Reindeer was also pushed around by fellow classmates. He was not available for comment.
"We have no reason to believe that the teacher was also involved in the other case which was closed over thirty years ago. Reindeers and moose don't often mix and if they do it is only usually with yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes and occasionally gravy." Police refused to answer any questions to do with any of the substances mentioned and assured the press that "this was simply an unfortunate event the result of which was uncalled for and unprecedented by the students", none of whom have been taken into custody.
- Frontiersman "Alaska school punishes students for taunting moose". Guardian Online, April 22, 2009