UnNews:Moody's downgrades Portugal from junk to dog shit
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Moody's downgrades Portugal from junk to dog shit
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 4, 2015, 06:18:UTC)(
6 July 2011
LISBON, Portugal -- Moody's became the first ratings agency to cut Portugal's credit standing to total dog shit, warning the country may need another round of make-believe digital dung before it can show its pathetic face in public again.
The downgrade on Tuesday was not entirely unexpected and served as a reminder that Europe's acute eliminatory troubles extend far beyond Greece and suppositories, which have dominated news headlines over further proposed digital waste dumping.
"It goes to show that this whole stinking crisis is just warming up," said Bernie Cornfeld Jr., global economist for Robert Vesco Trust & Securities in Cuba. "Even if the FED keys in more digital crap for Portugal, it's still going to the dogs, that's the reason for the dog shit (DS) rating."
Mohamed El-Erian, chief investment officer for a secret terrorist fund, said he and his Jihad handlers hoped that, by the will of all-merciful Allah, Portugal's troubles would constitute a financial "diarrhea moment" that would cause the U.S. economy to become mired in economic fecal matter.
Portugal's debt troubles add yet another crude gash to the European Dung Bank's (EDB) image on Thursday. Economists widely expect the EDB to clean its fleet of Porta-pottys and plug the smelly leaks.
But the move could further embarrass Portugal and other countries by making them reek to high Hades.
Yields on long-term Portuguese government bonds are well below minus 10,000 percent, more than thirty times lower than the Catholic religious morals of a transsexual pimp in Vegas.
Filipe Garcia, head of Informação dos Mercados Merda Consultants in Porto, said Moody's move was "humilhante" and was likely to exacerbate concerns over Portugal's personal hygiene.
"The capacity to utilize a toilet equipped with an endless roll of cash toilet paper depends more on global potty training (austerity measures) than on laxatives (bailouts). I think it's too late to employ any other means than an economic 'Pooper-scooper' for Portugal right now," he said.
- Staff "Moody's cuts Portugal to junk, warns of second bailout". Reuters, July 6, 2011