UnNews:Momofuku Ando dies; Microsoft Windows Vista delayed
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Momofuku Ando dies; Microsoft Windows Vista delayed
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, January 24, 2017, 11:23:UTC)(
23 January 2007
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RAMENSHIRE, Japan -- The inventor of instant noodles, Momofuku Ando (安藤百福 Andō Momofuku), died on January 5, 2007 after a short illness. He was 96.
Born in 1910 with the funny name Gô Pek-hok (吳百福) in a country full of funny names, Mr Ando had a difficult time trying to find his niche, and eventually settled in Japan, where his name was funnier than most. It was here that he first created instant noodles to feed hungry post-war Japan after World War II. He had left a box of ordinary noodles in his window in Taipei during the bombing of Hiroshima, and having been radiated, the noodles instantly became instant.
Japanese population growth declined following the damage caused by boiling water pouring over the sensitive bits of innocent bachelors who tried to make themselves a nice meal. It was the masterstroke of providing a waterproof polystyrene container for the noodles that made his Cup Noodle an instant success in 1971. Since then, the company he founded, Nissin, has led the global instant noodle industry selling 85.7 billion servings every year. The unique combination of preservatives and radiation has led to 85.7 million Japanese people not being able to grow taller than 5’8’’.
Ando was famous for eating the same brand of instant noodles everyday. Initial reports suggested that he died from emphysema, due to years of being exposed to the acrid smell of his favourite recipe, Chikin Ramen. The incident follows numerous near-misses, and his glasses were forever welded onto his face in 1996 after a noodle packet exploded in his face.
On hearing the news, development of Microsoft Windows Vista was irretrievably delayed. The geeks had nothing to eat. When it is finally released, Microsoft Windows Vista will allow you to look out of the window over a vista filled with blue screens. This is a great improvement on the single blue screen offered by the firm at the moment.