UnNews:Moderate Taliban will only cut off one hand
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Moderate Taliban will only cut off one hand
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 5, 2015, 09:11:UTC)(
29 August 2010
Hellmand Province, Afghanistan A spokesman for the umbrella organisation for moderate Taliban factions has confirmed rumors that in future, no human being shall have more than one hand cut off for the same crime. This news has been received with jubilation in most quarters, as it signifies a new chapter in the history of human rights and dignity in this part of the world.
Speaking to an audience of recently released thieves, the moderate Taliban leader, Mullah 'Jack' Jamal Jihadi who recites poems for 'Radio Death to Infidels' said he was hoping soon to have a meeting with the government of President Hamid Karzai in Kabul.
"I want to extend a hand of peace to the government. And if that isn't accepted, we have a bucket of spare hands in our freezer," joked Jihadi who has gained the reputation of being a moderate Mullah. "As a - what you call in America, a Liberal Taliban, I say we are about 50% less severe than our more purist brothers."
However, Taliban hardliners have expressed concern that such liberal measures offered by Jihadi would threaten the social fabric of Afghanistan and inspire more crime. They want to keep their Law and Order reputation intact and have the message"'Those Who Have Stumps Cannot Steal So Easily".