Mobs of Atheists Demand Decapitation of Teacher Over "Richard Dawkins" Teddy Bear

Straight talk, from straight faces

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30 November 2007

OXFORD, ENGLAND - Hordes of enraged Atheists have swarmed the walls of the Sudanese Embassy in Oxford in retaliation against an act of unforgivable heresy in a local primary school earlier this week.

The act is believed to have occurred during a Darwinism lesson, taught by Sudanese supply teacher Muhajiin Fatwa, when it is alleged a pupil produced a teddy bear from his rucksack. While this in itself is not normally a punishable offense within the United Kingdom, controversy emerged once the teacher asked the bear's name. According to witnesses, the boy replied "His name is Richard Dawkins. I named him out of respect for his condescending attitude towards religions which take insignificant events far too seriously and are thus detrimental to the progress of the human race." Astonishingly, and out of blatant disrespect for the religious rights of Atheists, Ms Fatwa neither confiscated the bear nor beat the child savagely, both of which any true British person would have done immediately.

While naming a boy Richard Dawkins is considered respectful among Atheists, allowing a woman to live after she has learnt the name of a teddy bear without interjecting is strictly forbidden and, as decreed in Chapter VI of The God Delusion, "punishable by rape, beheading and being crushed to death by Salman Rushdie novels."

Atheists have already begun beheading people who may or may not have had any connection with the incident. Fundamentalist A.N. Wilson, wielding a burning torch and clutching the head of an infidel, made the following remark: "BEHEAD THOSE WHO INSULT FREE THOUGHT."

The case continues.

As the pupil in question was male, the boy was alleviated of all guilt and is expected to receive Ms Fatwa's possessions if the demands for her execution are met.

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